Simple things thought by complicated mind.
Unpretending life with scruffy girl.
That's me. Stereotypical. A walkover. Plain, quiet and self-explanatory. Uncluttered.
I'm a girl who lives as simple as I wanted to. A girl who never ask for something I couldn't have.
A girl who's contented with what I thought. A girl with more or less knowledge that anyone.
A girl who smiles at everybody she met or will meet.
A girl who read books alot and imagine adventure with it but never tried some.
A girl whose afraid of trying. A rancor, truant life lived to the fullest.
I do what I want and never do what others told me so.
I'm quite difficult yet so simple. In other words I'm FACILE.
I live with green and brown as a color. Eat with pleasure and satisfaction.
I don't hear people about me. I listen to myself's desire. I never changed.
I guess that was good about me. I remain the same as ever. "A stubbord clumsy girl."
I know when to give. Though I don't know how to receive.
I say what's on my mind but I never say what I feel.
Sometimes I do but most of the time I hide.
I blogged with the reality of metha mesage from my over-flowing emotions.
One thing or should I say the only thing I love about my self was I'm always me.
I am me. I act as me. I'm being me. I'm comfortable with complaints and rejections about being me.
At least I am me. No false actions. I was just me.
I'm capable of hurting anybody. -- in fact I like hurting others and make them get used with the pain.
I got alot of pain though it wasn't hurting me. I'm used to it. So I never experience being hurt or crying just because of someone.
Somebody gave me a hint how love with certainly hurt but I just moved on that easy. Not quite easy as I say.
Not as painful as everybody says about love. I admit it was painful. I spent chit-chatting with him for almost 1yr and 2 or more months.
I guess what really hurts me was not about the love I built on him.
What hurts me is the habitual admiration. It becomes a routine. It never had emotions. Not at all.
We're just having each other to have someone to talk to after a long tiring day.
Someone you could basically call ahmmmm... a companion. There's no love. No emotions too. Pain three.
It hurts, not losing him but the thought of not having someone to talk to or someone to lift up the words to make the pain of living go way little better.
Everything went back and fall into it's places after the agony of having no one was listed.
When one fucking night, there was this guy who drove himself out of the boredom and I don't actually know if it was fate or just a coincidence.
Abrupt thing. I just met him by an instance. No one knows.
Having fun. Talking to him all day long. Making silly conversations.
Ludicrous thoughts by midnight. Internet buddies huh?
Suddenly. I got up the eagerness to meet him personally.
What motive?! FOR WHAT?!
Maybe I just want to make a better thought of him.
No! Because I want him.
No futher words. It's unexplainable. Everything he spoke was perfectly well.
It's not what I feel from the first love I thougth.
This was not just a simple cling. Not a companion.
It's obsession.
It's wound when he was not there.
And it's heaven when he was.
Oh I'm a brave little girl who can do everything.
It's 5 months and counting.
I become a worthless girl who can't do anything.
Cumbersome.
The pain of losing him all the way.
I've done every part.
Follow every rule. This not me. So not me.
Tears. Fuck it!
It was just like he ripped off my body and loose off my heart.
I was fully empty.
Why is it much painful than I thought.
It was painful. Paroxysm.
I never asked anything. Never did. I just want to be perfect.
But the only thing I love about myself turns out to be the only problem.
I wished I could be just me but I'm not perfect.
It was just only me.
Only me.
Does LOVE ache like this?
Like you're dying. Like you're crying every night and fall asleep then wake up crying again.
I can be perfect.
The first lie.
I never cried.
The second lie.
I'm not hurt.
The third lie.
I'm fine.
The greatest lie.
We're twin soul with no way to be.
