Fondness...: January 2011

Sunday, January 30, 2011

is it too much to demand a little from his time?

It was more than too much. Esp. Most of too much.

Asking anything won't kill you basically :)

if i am your diary, what would be the title for this day entry!?

FUCKED UP. HAHAHAHAH >:)

Asking anything won't kill you basically :)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

THE DOG

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The_sad_waltz_of_of_pietro_crespi.FLV (12955 KB)

The last Wednesday of January at the year of 2011. I've been seeing this hallucinations and fictional events for almost 3 months since I got this cute dog stuffed toy from an animal site. September 10 last year, specifically, 2010. An unusual animistic site gave me a cute stuffed toy. Counting the history, I must have this dog for almost 5 months. No. Turning 5 months this February 10. I've been working so hard to keep the toy in my hands. Holding it tight. Looking at it every jiffy of 24/7. Talking like it can actually response. I don't know why I'm doing this. It feels like almost having it secured and never gotten away. Beyond my assurance I see it in the peripheral side that any time I might have lose it. And I'm afraid I thought so.

The dog taught me the value of life. Reach for the extreme satisfaction. Pleasure of having it. And the joy that the world could only give to those who deserve it. I'm glad the dog stuffed toy made me feel like I should have continue living. Wanna know what? In every good side lie a bad one. It's not always happy. You cannot play the card by your own wish how the ace will turn. I had this dog and ruin my 17 years of existence.

I cried before and never did it again. But this fucking dog let me see how the hell works on a living. How the evil business touches the end of your nails. He created an enormous letter of death threat. He lie on my bed like nothing but stabbing my head of every silly things that destiny brings. He tear my heart into million of pieces just because I have him. That imbecile stuffed toy wrecked my perfect plan of living. He let everyone see that I'm sinuous and never to be trust cause I'm prejudicial. Raw and rotten thoughts.

The toy gave me a hug of pleasure in pain. A kiss of contentment in sore. And lastly the love of having a lesion. I always taught of ripping out the dimity of it. Tearing the toy into lot of pieces just like how he made me to be. Burning it until it turn into ashes and leave it with no one. And I never lose an opportunity to do it. But I never had the courage to hurt myself.

Hurting the toy would hurt me. Equality. Losing it would be like losing my life. And seeing it possess by others would kill me. Amazing toy huh?

I will hold the toy until I'm breathing. I'll take the pain and sufferings till the end. I'll endure the torment and dolor. I'll disbelief myself just to believe in him. I'll hold the cactus of malady in my whole body. Tribulation. Self penetration. That's easy. It was just like stabbing myself to death. I'll carry the musk of being unloved. I'll write all the good words for him and betray my own. I'll kill myself just make him live his own. I'd cut every fingers that I had just to relegate his doubts of my love. I'll punish myself by the sins that only his mind had created.

I'll wait until the toy can talk and say to me that "I love you too.". Though everybody knows that a toy couldn't talk. I'll take hundreds of life time just to hear him say that. I'll waste every penny I could have. I'll do everything. I must. And once I say it's impossible. I'll gather every reason to stop and divert it into reasons to stay. I have no idea how much I love the toy that I could even lose my mind.

I'll wait until he trust me enough to hold me tight and never let go of my hand but as of now. I'll be holding him. I'll be the one to do so. Knowing the fact that:

I JUST BORROWED HIM. AND HE'LL NEVER BE MINE.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Biskwit ako.

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? :D

They'll transfer the doctor to another E.R. And ask for another doctor to help.

Asking anything won't kill you basically :)

sabi nila mas ok kumalas kesa maging panakip butas sabi naman ng iba mas OK magpakatanga kasi naipaglalaban nila yung mahal nila pero para saken mas OK mag isa kesa magmahal ng... walang kwenta

Ahhhh. ok.

Asking anything won't kill you basically :)

Living is a game. Yet living and loving is another story.

There's a thin line separating happiness and sadness.

Just like those boundaries you'd created to define; Living without you or living with you.

You know the fact that I'm concealing?

It's just that somebody else thought me to love. Not you,

But that happen far behind before I met my life,

Before I met you.

Those are the part of the past.

You wouldn't understand cause you never believe,

And what hurt the most was,

You never will.

Living is waking up trying to brush your teeth with the your laziness.

Loving is gaining money in a hard way and letting someone to hold and spend it for you.

You can never be happy when you'd never been sad,

Maybe that explains it.

Knowing and being with you makes me sad,

Sadly, Being sad is what satisfies me.

Pretending that you're mine is painful when you can never be,

Yet I'm trying to hold on.

Holding on what we've created was the only reason I live,

It keeps me alive every single hurtful moment.

Crying has no use.

It won't make you trust me.

Why do you have to give me tons of reasons to leave you,

with no single reason to stay.

I'm hanging on a thread try to reach your hand but why?

Why can't you see me when I'm right in front of you.

I won't say goodbye.Never.

I won't go away.

But atleast let me do it.

Let me stay.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Friday, January 21, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011